Homosexual, my road to recovery - by Anonymous April 5, 2008
Posted by Han in : Testimony , trackbackI have a problem. A problem that I would never imagine I will face in my life. I am struggling with same-sex-attraction, in short, ‘gay’.
Ever since 4years ago, I realize I was not just admiring the good looking guys, I wanted more, I wanted to own them. Being a Christian for 7 years, it has been really tough dealing with this dark side of mine.
I had so much fear within me that I did not what to do. I began to search for reasons and answers, at the same time I enjoy myself in gay forums, chat rooms, and gay porn. I had to hide this from everyone because I know people will look at me differently if they know about my sexual identity.
I began to avoid people, I do not really talk to people, and I am afraid of close friendships. Since then I have made mistakes and wrong decisions that I thought they ruin my life. I was ignorant of the truth, I knew about the bible, what was right, and what was wrong, but sadly every wrong thing felt so right.
It was until when I entered university, that I found a new church. I felt it was the right church for me, and I was so sure someone in there can help me overcome my problem. After 6months in that church, I took a step of faith and pour out my deepest secret to two male church leaders.
For the first time, I felt a sense of hope, that one day I can walk out from the dark side. They were ready to help me, and counsel me. After some time, I got disappointed because I thought they are not helping me.
I began to find alternatives; I started to seek help from other people, including my church pastor, and later a pastor from another church. I did not know where I took the courage from, I was desperate.
I wanted a cure, a miracle, probably a potion that I can drink and ‘poof’, I am a straight guy. At that time, I thought no one can help me, and no one seem to care. It was until that critical e-mail that I wrote to a pastor from another church, I did not want him to tell my church pastor as it is very awkward for me.
But he cared so much, that he referred that e-mail to my pastor, which triggers a chain reaction, and it reaches me. My leader and I had a very serious conversation, a truthful and hurtful one. To me, it seems my church leaders did not bother about my issue all the while, but I was wrong, so wrong. They cared for me, but I was ignorant of the truth.
It was that conversation that woke me up, and ultimately the answer lies within me. I knew the cure even before I had this problem, it is Jesus. Jesus paid the price for my sins, for my past, and I can always turn away from what I am doing now and say to God, ‘Lord, please forgive me’ and He will!
I am now proactively fighting this problem, it is tough, hard, and it feels like tearing my skin from my body. My leaders and I work out 3 simple steps to help me in this.
1. To abstain from internet and any other similar resources, stop feeding myself with wrong input.
2. To engage with the right people in church, cell group, and school.
3. To do good physical activities e.g. serving in church, sports, reading books etc.
This is not an easy battle, but I will not give up because I know God wants to see me walking right in His kingdom. I am writing this to encourage other young people having the same or other problems that God has not left you, and if you want to be free from your problems, it starts from you to take that step of courage to look for help.
Don’t give up, if you do, you’ll still be stuck in your problem.
Comments»
great for you brother!
Jesus did it all on the cross, we have the victory to walk a victorious life in God!
According to God, homosexuals must be put to death. God himself says so in Leviticus ( 20:13 ) and St. Paul says it in Romans ( 1:24-32 ). Any comment on this ?
Hi YongCK,
Homosexuals must be put to death….hmmm
Well, not only homosexuals, there are many more who must be put to death as it was written in Leviticus 20, anyone who curses his father or mother, a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, a man who sleeps with his father’s wife and….
So at the end of the day, all must be put to death! Romans 3:23 put it rightly - ‘for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God’. Where can we find a sinless person? There is none, no one, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God! So what must we do? Nothing, how can the blind guide the blind? Looking at our inability, God sent his Son Jesus Christ to give us a SECOND CHANCE. God loves sinners, He sacrificed his one and only Son for all of us and whosoever believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
God gives everyone a second chance. I remembered reading John 8:1-11, the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery before Jesus and according to the law of Moses she must be stone to death. But Jesus asnwered, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her’. At the end all left, no one dare to cast a stone and Jesus did not condemn her. However Jesus said, ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.”
There is one important lesson that we can learn here - it is not to put the homosexual (person) to death but to put the homosexual (practise) to death!
The above testimony is a very courageous and encouraging testimony who by the grace and strength of God trying to put to death the practise of homosexual. While reading it, it confirm again and again, Jesus is the only answer for the world today.
Hi, Han,
Thanks for the comment. First of all i do not think that homosexuality is a practice rather than a birth defect, in other words God is reponsible for creating him with unsual sexual proclivities.
It appears in my mind that the right thing to do is to seek help from the professional like doctor or psychiatrist perhaps. Another instance of God’s imperfect design happened on 26 Dec 2004 where a shift in the Earth’s techtonic plate invoked a tsunami of such magnitude that thousands of people
perished instantly in many places over the world.
This story in John 8:1-11 has indeed entered Western literature and their consciousness. However i have some queries with regard to the moral of the story :-
(1) Isn’t the New Testament supposed to vindicate Moses ? Why should the gruesome law of Moses then be undermined.
(2) If only non-sinner can punish, how do an imperfect society full of sinners establish a procedure to prosecute the offenders.
(3) What authority does Jesus has to ” forgive “, as presumably at least a wife and a husband will feel cheated and outraged
(4) According to Mosaic law the male partner in the adultery case should also be stoned to death, but there is no mentioning of that.
(5) As a point of interest, after all the pharisees had melted away in the story only Jesus and the woman were left behind, how were you so sure that Jesus said to her ” Go now and leave your life os sin. ”
(6) I do not understand why God love the sinners so much that He can sacrifies his one and only son for all of us and yet He is so cruel as to condemn those who do not believe and submit to Him to eternal torture in the Hell of fire even after their death.
(7) The ofter heard famous saying that ” Jesus dies for your sins ” is in actual fact a false statement. The question here is, did he really dies ?
(8) Finally the way Jesus dies to atone our sin is not only cruel but bloody too. Remember this is a Godly plan. It not only did a great disservice to this individual call Judas, who had to bear this great sin of treachery, it also brings nightmare to a race call ‘ Jews ‘ as the Jew was branded ‘ Christ killer ‘ and hence the Holocaust by this avowed Catholic Hitler. This anti-Jew feeling among many christians still persist today.